f-spinaltap01When Spinal Tap’s first album in 17 years, Back From the Dead, is released this coming Tuesday, it will be Tap fan nirvana. Not only does the disc feature re-recorded classics and some new songs, it also comes with a one-hour DVD and an elaborate fold-out diorama of the band as 12-inch action figures with, of course, Stonehenge. But what takes longer, assembling the package or finding your way to the stage in Cleveland? According to chartattack.com, it takes about 20 minutes to assemble.

Start by folding down the top part David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel and Derek Smalls are standing on. After that, push the tabs directly below them out behind them so they look like half cubes. Fold the two end pieces on the left and right side out and behind St. Hubbins, Tufnel and Smalls so the “prong” things can hook into the tabs underneath them.

At this point, you should be able to make the whole thing stand up, but the guys may still look like they want to either lie on their backs or stomachs. Grab their sides and push their “stomachs” out towards the front and fold their “feet” up towards the front of the carton. When you’ve done all that, it should be able to stand up.

Don’t get frustrated with this thing. It looks easy to assemble and is once you get it, but it might take you more than five minutes to figure it out. It’s also very easy to rip or break, so you have to be patient while putting it together.

For the record, Metal Insider tried to assemble the package, but realized that we a) couldn’t follow the Ikea-like simple directions included and b) didn’t get our masters degrees in advanced origami, so decided to come back to it later.

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Bram Teitelman