Thinking about picking up an Anthrax shirt? You could go to one of their shows, and get one for about $25. Or you could go to Urban Outfitters, ignore the men’s section, head right to the women’s section and buy an oversized ‘vintage’ muscle tee. Oh yeah, and pay nearly $50 for it. But it’s totally worth it, because it looks great if you accessorize with mesh panties and a floppy hat. Or you could pair it with a pair of distressed cutoff denim shorts and a disaffected look on your face. If you’ve got $49 burning a hole in your pocket and a girl that will have no idea what the band behind the faux vintage shirt she’s wearing sounds like, then you can get this shirt from Urban Outfitters. If you have a little less money and still want to impress that special someone in your life, you can spend $27 for a women’s Slayer shirt that comes with a free condom over at Slayer’s web store. The Anthrax shirt should come with a condom too, because if you’re paying $49 for it, you’re getting fucked.

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Bram Teitelman