Our friends at Metal Sucks have been trolling hard lately (I present to you Black Metal Brunch). That’s why when we saw their headline, we thought it might be a post from their fictional columnist Dummy Nosenothing. But no. In an effort to court Republican voters, Mitt Romney is giving away a guitar autographed by Kid Rock and Paul Ryan. Wait, what? Oh, you don’t remember the time Paul Ryan played a triumphant guitar solo in front of a crowd of thousands? No? Just the tax plan he engineered where he can’t explain how it’ll work? Hmm, ok. Maybe it would make more sense to give away a copy of a spreadsheet program like Excel autographed by Ryan and Rock.
But no, Presidential nominee Romney has opted to give away a shitty Epiphone guitar autographed by Rock and VP candidate Ryan. It’s hard to think of anything less rock and roll than a guitar autographed by a politician. “Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney may have different playlists, but both can appreciate America’s rock and roll tradition,” the entry form says. What tradition would that be? Sure, Paul might like Rage Against the Machine, but I’m sure he’s never listened to the lyrics. And Romney’s idea of rock and roll probably began and ended with Chuck Berry.
Kid Rock is a proud Republican, but this isn’t a partisan thing. Whether or not you’d be proud of owning a guitar signed by Mr. “Bawitdaba” is another debate for another time, but this is definitely pandering to the lowest common denominator. I wouldn’t want a guitar autographed by Tom Morello and Joe Biden either. But hey, if you’re a right-leaning axe-slinger, have at it.