Metal Sucks gets Purchased by TMZ

In a buy-out move that surprised approximately nobody, Metal Sucks sold out to gossip news publication TMZ. TMZ, a mover and shaker in the journalism world, made moves to purchase out the equally respected and reputable website Metal Sucks. They were quick to reassure fans that the format was not going to change following the acquisition, although before the deal came along, an unnamed site insider was noted as saying “We were planning on ditching all the click bait, needlessly inflammatory headlines and post actual metal news, but you know, then this offer came along…”

In response to the acquisition, an unnamed insider issued this statement to reassure the die-hard Metal Sucks community:

“We want to assure everyone that whenever a rapper wears a metal band shirt, we will absolutely be the first to break that earth-shatteringly important news. That won’t change at all in this merger.”

(Shots fired from Metal Underground)