Johann Beardraven Of The Beards’ Top 5: Pieces of Advice for Today’s Epic Beard Wearer

Posted by on March 4, 2013

Last year, Australia’s The Beards caught our attention with the video to “You Should Consider Having Sex With A Bearded Man.”  And tomorrow (March 6), this group of rugged men who only sing songs about the greatness of beards will release their third album Having A Beard Is The New Not Having A Beard in America. On top of that, The Beards will be making their U.S. live debut this month, playing shows in L.A., New York and at SXSW.

With The Beards on the verge of bringing beard-madness Stateside, we thought that there was no one better to give advice to bearded metal heads than singer Johann Beardraven. So check out Beardraven’s top five pieces of advice to epic beard wearers after the jump.


5. Ignore the myths

It’s a common misconception that shaving your beard will make it grow back thicker and faster. This is untrue, and is most likely a rumor started by the Gillette corporation. Don’t ever shave for any reason. If in doubt, refer to item #1 [see below].


4. Talk about your beard

Whenever you are talking to someone, always try to steer the topic of conversation toward beards. If this doesn’t work, simply start yelling the word “beard” loudly until the conversation ends. You should also acknowledge other beards whenever possible, and high-five other bearded men as you pass them on the street.


3. Listen to bearded bands

ZZ Top and Cat Stevens are a good place to start. Then move on to guys like Seasick Steve, Devendra Banhart and Jim Jones. Your beard grows 2.8% faster whilst listening to bearded artists. That’s science right there.


2. Shampoo and condition

Good beard maintenance is essential. Look for a beard-specific shampoo (people will tell you they don’t exist, but they are mostly beardless deviants who are plotting to bring you down). Brush your beard as often as possible, especially when standing around in public. You should also encourage others to touch and stroke your beard – not only will this stimulate the follicles, it will make you feel even more awesome for having a beard.


1. Don’t ever shave

Seriously, shaving is the number 1 rookie mistake, and the main reason that most people look like beardless chumps. Put down that razor and grow a beard.


The Beards has the following shows lined up during their visit to the States:

3/10 Los Angeles, CA @ The Echo (Aussie BBQ No. 5)

3/12 Houston, TX @ The Continental Club

3/14 Austin, TX (SXSW) @ The Side Bar (Jumpstart Party)

3/15 Austin, TX (SXSW) @ In Gredients (Sweet Tea Pumpkin Pie showcase, acoustic set)

3/16 Austin, TX (SXSW) @ The Grackle (Austin Facial Hair Club Party)

3/16 Austin, TX (SXSW) @ Maggie Mae’s

3/24 New York, NY @ Sons Of Essex (Aussie BBQ No. 5)

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Categorised in: Top 5