It’s no secret that I’ve been in love with Nekrogoblikon’s John Goblikon for years. Not in the rational, “he seems cool, I’d buy him a beer” kind of way, but in the unhinged, metaphysical sense where you’re daydreaming about an alternate timeline with a version that includes you being married and fighting about modular shelving at IKEA. My profile picture is basically a shrine to this delusion: a pixelated love letter to the very idea of him. In reality, I’m not his partner. I’m not his confidant. I’m just the digital equivalent of someone who writes his name in a notebook surrounded by hearts. 

To embody John Goblikon on stage is one thing; it’s cosplay with consequences, I’m sure. But to be John Goblikon—the meme-fueled, talk-show-hosting, paradoxical anti-hero—is something else entirely. This week, I tracked down the stand-up comedian, Dave Rispoli,  who claims dual citizenship as both a human and a demonically possessed goblin in order to find out what it actually means to live as John.

First, thank you for doing this with me. I have a deep love for John Goblikon. I think he is my generation’s “Eddie the Head.” How does it feel to be so loved by so many for being a Goblin? 

Hand to Gob, I never thought our green friend would make it beyond the three-day shoot of our music video No One Survives, let alone 13 years of tours, music, content, podcasts, and now his own live comedy shows?! It’s a testament to how friggin awesome the fans are, or as John now calls them, his “Gob Squad” and/or his “Gobtourage.” John is a stickler for jamming “Gob” into as many words as possible. As far as how I, Dave, personally feel, I’m just happy the NDA (No Dave’s Allowed) has been lifted and I am permitted back in the podcast studio. I missed it… and it was hot outside. Like, really, really hot… and quite dangerous. 

If goblins had their own version of therapy, would it involve talking about your childhood… or eating someone else’s childhood?

Yeah, those kids are toast. John LOVES taking a nice bite out of a child’s arm. Very tender. Though I will say, John has really gotten in touch with his emotions and is partaking in what he considers “therapy,” which consists of downing multiple cases of White-Claws, the first three pages of the Chili’s menu, and having the Big Bang Theory on loop. 

What was it like in the beginning when you were getting to know the dudes in Nekrogoblikon, and who they were as people? How did you guys get to the point of wanting to do these projects?

I thought they were going to be scary, intense, “Metal dudes” and it couldn’t be more the opposite. Don’t get me wrong, they are all exceptional musicians, but each one is less serious than the next. I think that’s why we hit it off pretty early, all of us crammed in a stinky van, the jokes and bits were our fuel to keep going. I think it’s pretty clear Nekrogoblikon is not a band that takes itself too seriously. However, they are still in search of a gimmick, if you know of any good ones. 

Do you ever feel like humans are jealous of goblins, but too self-conscious to admit it?

Oh, I know they are, hell, I am too! John’s life is pretty incredible: Touring, Interviewing celebrities, eating skin, living in a Waymo. What a dream! I think that’s why the term Goblin Mode became so popular, it was humanity’s way of saying, “Damn, I wanna live the life of a goblin” but I will say, being a goblin comes with a metaphorical and literal hump to bear. 

How is John surviving right now? How is he handling all of this earthly nonsense?

John was raised in Reseda, CA, so I’m sure by now he’s used to it. You only know what you know, you know? Does that make sense? No? Good.  Unless it’s Johannes, his podcast producer, I don’t think John will ever learn to handle his nonsense. I love Johannes, though. He’s a good guy and a fellow Italian. 

When you dream, do you dream in goblin logic or human logic—and which one is scarier?

I dream in goblin logic, and John dreams in human logic. I would say human logic is scarier. Ever met a human? They are insane. 

You are a comedian. How has comedy changed? What has it become since the start of whatever this apocalypse bullshit is?

It’s constantly evolving, that’s what makes it enticing, while also being the most frustrating art form of all. When I first started, there was a very linear path: you did open mics, then you did spots around town at bars, then you got into clubs as a host, then a feature, then a headliner. Now to be a comedian you not only need to craft an act, you need to be an actor/podcaster/editor/social-media-manager/influencer/promoter who NEVER STOPS MAKING CONTENT CAUSE IF YOU DON’T FEED THE ALGORITHEM YOU WILL CEASE TO EXIST AHHHH I WISH I COULD STOP IT, IN FACT I NEED TO TAKE A BREAK FROM WRITING THIS ANSWER TO MAKE SOME MORE CONTENT! I AM CONTENT AND CONTENT IS LIFE!!!!  What was the question? 

If you could replace every U.S. Senator with goblins, how would legislation improve—or collapse?

Make America Goblin Again! Pretty sure somebody stole that acronym. I’ll say this, I think humans have had a long runway to figure things out, and I don’t believe we have. F*ck it. Let’s let goblins have a go.  *Not trolls though. They for sure have been plenty of trolls in the Senate. 

Is goblin fashion more about intimidation, practicality, or just hiding the bloodstains?

John would like to think he’s a fashion icon. I’m sure not. I get all my clothes from Baby Gap.  I would like “goblin chic” to be a thing, though. 

Do you think heavy metal needs goblins to survive, or do goblins just need heavy metal to feel understood?

THESE QUESTIONS ARE HARD! Ummm… I think goblins ARE metal, and metal IS goblin? 

Which is harder: surviving a goblin dungeon raid or surviving a Nekrogoblikon tour bus?

The bus and it’s not close. According to John, Nekro has 29 members, and the bus is filled with “farts and sadness.”  A goblin dungeon raid kinda sounds fun and/or something some kinky-human freaks would pay for. 

What are some of your favorite tour memories? 

Back in the day, I opened for Nekro doing stand-up. Now you might be thinking, “who wants to see stand-up at a metal show?” The answer is NOBODY. But that didn’t stop me from giving the people what they didn’t want! 

I would grab the mic and coil it around my arm like I was about to deliver the biggest metal growl of all time, telling everybody to come to the front of the stage to start a big fucking “chuckle pit!” Bombing in a club is one thing; bombing in front of a crowd of rabid metal fans who didn’t sign up for stand-up comedy is an experience I will never forget. It shaped me into the lackluster comedian I am today. What always tickled me was telling a joke that would be met with silence, then forty minutes later, John would come out, tell that exact same joke, and it would crush. Goblins > Humans. Proof is in the pudding, er, the green sludge. 

What is the spirit and heart of John Goblikon? 

John is and has always been a gob trying to do what’s right in a world full of wrong. His methods may be non-traditional or may backfire, as it does for many of us when trying to do what we feel is right or just. If you compile that with loads of insecurity and an ego that is growing like a radish. Did you know radishes grow really fast? I didn’t until three seconds ago when I googled “What grows really fast?” Why am I talking about radishes? Where was I? I can’t stay focused, did you know John and I both have severe ADHD?! Yeah, my doctor prescribed me Adderall, and I just ate it all.  Anywho, I try really hard to maintain that green heart through the podcast and all I do, and I feel Grady Welch and the band do a great job with that in the music. 

What got you into metal in the first place? Can you remember the first band you ever heard? 

It’s taboo to admit it, but I was a Nu Metal kid. I mean, growing up in the late 90’s early 2000’s if you didn’t want to go to the Family Values tour followed by a trip to Hot Topic were even LIVING?! I think that’s why it was so surreal to tour with Limp Bizkit. I was Wes Borland for Halloween… TWICE. Next thing I know, we are sharing a beer backstage?! Then jump to a few years later, and Wes Borland is a guest on Right Now and then writes the forward to John’s book! Jump a few years after that, and Fred Durst… cancels his appearance on the podcast. But his friend “Gary the teabag artist” was pretty cool… except when I offered him snacks and he told me to stick that cookie up my YEAH. 

Do you think being a goblin is more relatable in 2025 than being a human, given that everyone’s online identity is already half-fictional anyway? 

Being a goblin is the realest thing you can be in 2025. 

If humans ever evolve into goblins, what advice would you give us for the awkward in-between stage?

Hold onto your butts. You’re in for a bumpy ride! Start training your stomach for mass amounts of skin, hair, and Chili’s southwestern eggrolls… and remember, goblin is a state of mind. Don’t let anybody tell you you’re only half-goblin. You can’t go half goblin mode, it’s FULL or gtfo. 

If you woke up tomorrow and John Goblikon was gone– no makeup, no persona, no cult following– would you feel like you lost a friend, or just misplaced a really specific inside joke? 

I would definitely feel like I lost a big part of myself. I see and feel all the love from the fans for John, but the truth is, I too love John. I better! It’s been 13 years of (literal) blood, sweat, and tears. Even though John gives me a hard time and has literally tried to ban me, he can’t get rid of me. We are kindred spirits. Or for you, Reggae-Nu Metal-fans, we are Skindred spirits. 

If goblins existed in real life—and I mean like, tax-paying, job-holding goblins—what job would John Goblikon actually work? (And don’t say “HR manager,” because that feels too on the nose.)

Oh, John has a real job. He sells life insurance in Reseda for Brad. Who sucks. Yeah. F*ck Brad. He is also now the host of the #1 comedy podcast in the world, if you choose not to fact-check it. I don’t think people realize how much work a podcast is, I sure didn’t. It’s a full-time job that never stops being a grind. Thank Gob for Johannes. John would never admit it, but he is the glue of the RIGHT NOW podcast. 

Is John a commentary on the absurdity of metal, or is metal just the most appropriate ecosystem for a creature like him to evolve in?

Metal is the perfect genre and setting for a goblin like John to thrive. It’s always been epic and theatrical, and my favorite metal bands have always pushed absurdity and sprinkled in some comedy. Only metal fans could love and support a band like Nekrogoblikon as long as they have. I know everybody says “we have the best fans” but they are wrong and a bunch of liars, cause Nekrogoblikon has the best fans. Hand to Gob. 

What are your top five favorite metal bands? 

Nobody wants to hear mine, so I had to ask John, this was his answer: Nekrogoblikon, GWAR, Limp Bizkit, Infant Annihilator, and… Blues Traveler. (He was adamant that wearing a belt of harmonicas is the most metal thing you can do!)

When the world finally ends, will goblins even notice—or will it just feel like another Monday?

“When all the humans start to die
When all the humans go insane
As they look up at the blackened sky
The goblins kill again!
No one survives the end of the world”
… so yeah, just another Monday, I guess. 

You can catch John and Dave on the Right Now Podcast on YouTube, Apple, and Spotify. You can buy John Goblikon’s book on Audible and Amazon.

Jordeana Bell

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