When he was playing for the NFL, Kyle Turley had a deserved reputation as a badass. Perhaps best known for his time on the New Orleans Saints, he also logged time on the Rams and the Chiefs before retiring in 2007. Since then, he’s gotten into the music industry by both starting a label (Gridiron Records) and by forming a metal/country band, Turley, whose album, Anger Management, is out on his label. With the NFL season kicking off today, we thought it’d be fun to get his picks on who the thinks can go the distance. As somewhat of a spoiler, we’ve attached a song from the album, “My Soul Bleeds Black and Gold,” which shows where his allegiance lies.
All right here we go, are you ready for some football!!! Another NFL season and another opportunity for every team to have the chance to hoist the coveted Vince Lombardi Trophy! Who’s it gonna be? Let’s break this thing down to find out who has the best chance.
AFC
Let’s break down the AFC. I’m gonna make this simple and get rid of the teams I don’t think have what it takes or have too many distractions to allow it to happen
– Bills: Being that close to Canada they should just join the CFL.
– Steelers: Roethlisberger is out for the 1st 4 games and they’re a season away from a total makeover.
– Texans: Mario Williams is the only thing they have, Cushing will have too many distractions to focus.
– Broncos: Elvis has left the building and Tebow is gonna force everything, and the NFL is too fast.
-last but not least Tha Raidas: Al Davis is still alive.
So now that we have the no-go’s out of the way, let’s get to the AFC contenders:
– Dolphins: My boy Ricky Williams is going to have the greatest year he’s ever had, which might be his last, and Pennington is primed for another run.
– Patriots: I think everyone has to give them a chance until coach Belecheck is gone.
– J.E.T.S.: They could be under the HBO Hard Knocks curse, but Rex Ryan seems to be able to motivate that team and they got their hold out deals done in the ‘Nick’ of time.
– Ravens: They’ve been ready to make another run for a while and they seem to be stacked on both sides of the ball. We’ll see if the Ray Lewis show can hold up.
– Bengals: I had to put them in because if they miss the playoffs this year there won’t be too many people left. Hopefully the paparazzi camera flashes won’t keep O.C. and T.O. from seeing the ball into their hands.
– Browns: 2 words, Jake Delhomme.
– Colts: Much like the Pats, until Peyton’s gone they have as good a chance as any.
– Jags: They always seem to be right there and their coaching staff deserves it.
– Titans: I have to put them in because my bass player’s girl is the biggest Titans fan ever and she’ll kick me in the balls if I don’t, but really it will depend on whether or not Vince Young decides to finally be a leader.
– Chiefs: They have all the ingredients and the Bolts should be their only division competition.
– Last but not least, the San Diego Super Chargers: Phillip Rivers better step it up and lead that offense to put up some big numbers because I don’t know if their defense will be able to stay healthy.
NFC
Thus concludes the AFC. Now on to the defending Superbowl champion division and my favorite to have played in, the NFC. Again we’ll get started with the teams I think will fall to the wayside early and not make the playoffs:
– Eagles: They got rid of McNabb when Andy Reid should have been the one to go.
– Redskins: I thought they would have a chance with coach Shanahan but It seems to be the same old Daniel Snider story.
– Lions: Come on, really?!
– Panthers: 3 words, No Jake Delhomme.
– Bucs: Too much in conference power but maybe a dumb and dumber 1 in a million chance, if the Falcons implode.
– Rams: Bradford is gonna take some time to develop and they’re locked in with him.
Alright, on to the NFC contenders:
– Cowboys: Another do or die team. Nobody in that locker room will be safe from being fired if they don’t make the playoffs, and it would be cool to see the Cowboys be the 1st team to play a Superbowl on their home field.
– Giants: They’ve been to the dance and Eli is as tough as they come, but their defense has to live up to the hype.
– Bears: As much as I hate Mike Martz, I think he can finally give them the offense they have been lacking. Again, defense should be the key and they’ve had a lot of injuries over the years. The Lovie fest could be over if they don’t make the playoffs.
– Packers: This could be their year, unless Favre has anything to say about it, again!
– Vikings: My boy Jared Allen just cut his mullet and got hitched so I’m a bit concerned. Plus, how long can Favre hold up? They’re either gonna make the playoffs or it’s going to all fall apart up there!
– Falcons: Mi Hermano Tony Gonzales should have the best year of his career as he looks to set some big time records. It’s up to them staying healthy and their coaches doing their job!
– Saints: WHO DAT MOTHER FUCKER!!!
– Cards: It’s do or die for this coaching staff. Not being able to develop Linehart might have shown the chink in their Superbowl armor.
– 49ers: I just have to root for Mike Singletary. They have weapons but the motivation an ex player like him can give you goes a long way as far as believing in ‘Team’.
– Last but not least The Seattle Seachickens… I mean Hawks: This one is going to be the most fun to watch because they’re either going to fail miserably and Pete Carrol is going to be out of a job after 1 year crawling back to college football, or he’ll have the same results he had in college because now he doesn’t have to worry about the NCAA. He better think of some pretty nice gifts for a bunch of millionaires to keep them happy and fighting hard for him!
Well, that wraps it up. We’ll see how it all works out as we get cranked up for what is sure to be another stellar NFL season. As far as my picks for the Superbowl, I think you know where my allegiance lies in the NFC. As for the AFC, I would love to see the band of misfit toys Miami Dolphins and my boy ex-Saint Ricky Williams get his chance at the brass ring! For Metal Insider, this is Kyle ‘Mother Fuck’n’ Turley. BUY MY RECORD DAMN IT!
