Headbangers’ Brawl is a weekly column where Metal Insider’s Bram and Zach take a moment to debate and analyze two opposing sides of a topical issue occurring in the world of metal and/or the music industry.
On Sunday, Bram will be celebrating his birthday. Without getting into how old he’ll be, let’s just say that Bon Scott was still the singer of AC/DC when he was born. With that in mind, it’s time for Headbangers Brawl to address the age-old question: if it’s too loud, are you too old?
Bram: 10/10/10, the number of the Bram! Really, it depends on what you’re talking about that’s loud. Some music just doesn’t sound the same if it’s turned down. Ever try listening to Slayer quietly? That doesn’t work. Plus, anyone born from, say, 1970 on has been brought up with metal in their life. But some of the music you damn kids listen to is way too loud, mainly because some of it sucks.
Zach: I’m sorry Bram I couldn’t hear you, I was blasting Attack Attack on my iPod while you were talking. Just kidding, Attack Attack sucks. I want to poke fun at how you’re losing your hearing at such an old age, but I’m really no one to joke about that. I’ve been to so many shows that I’m five shows away from being deafer than Pete Townsend, and I’m only 21!! But like you said Bram, any fan born from 1970 on has been brought up on metal. Thus, as dangerous as it is for your poor old ears, turning it up loud is a Metal must. If your not pissing off your next door neighbors, you ain’t listening to it right. But tell us, Bram, as you turn another year older (seriously, Bon Scott was still the singer when you were born? Damn old man), is there any advice that you would like to bestow on the youthful metal fan? Teach us, old wise one!
B: Yeah, here’s some advice. Get off my lawn! You damn kids with your Zunes and your dumbass neon shirts. Back in my day, shirts came in one color: black. I have no advice to offer. No one wants advice from an old dude, and as some old dude named Ozzy once said, “nobody ever told me, I found out for myself.” Speaking of Ozzy, there isn’t really a “too old” for metal. Lemmy, Rob Halford, Maiden and the Sabbath guys are all on the other side of 50 and still touring and putting out music. And shows like that are great, because when I go there, I’m not the old guy! The main shows I’d be the old guy at, I wouldn’t want to go to anyway. You’ll never have to worry about running into me at a Brokencyde show, Zach.
Z: Oh thank god, I had been dreading that I might bump into you at the Brokencyde show. That would’ve been ssoo embarrassing if I was seen with an old guy! But very true, Bram. Halford, Maiden and Lemmy especially have proven that you can still kick ass past 50. Hell, they’re putting on better shows than most newer acts today are.
Happy early birthday Bram! For your special day, I got you the new Bring Me To The Horizon album. Maybe we can update you on the new hip music the kids like nowadays.