Inspired by the reactions of Lulu and the riots in India, NPR blog Monkey See compiled a list of 17 ways Metallica could further “betray” fans. And let’s face it, though no other metal band has accomplished as much as Metallica, they’ve also done their fair share to agitate fans. That’s why, to be honest, we were a little disappointed when reading NPR’s list. All in all, we felt the list was a tad light and a trying a bit too hard (“Hetfield-McCaughey,” really?). Seriously, would any true Metallica fan actually care if each band member married and divorced Kim Kardashian (number 15 on the list)?
So as we were reading their list, we kept thinking to ourselves “Damn, we could think up of at least six ways Metallica piss off fans more than all seventeen of their suggestions combined!” And so, we did. So without further ado, here are six hypothetical ways (in no particular order) Metallica could really piss off fans.
-Rehire Dave Mustaine just so they can fire him again. We give Metallica the benefit of the doubt that Mustaine’s drug and alcohol abuse in 1983 was unbearable. But letting Mustaine back into the group just to send him packing again just sounds too mean.
-Name the new album Ultra-Load or Re-Load Re-Revisited. That would surely make fans lose all confidence in a new Metallica album.
-Release a 3D movie of the band performing Lulu live with Lou Reed. Thus, forcing us to see wrinkles we didn’t even realize Lou Reed had. The worst thing about this, though, is that it could potentially happen.
-Replace Kirk Hammett’s guitar solos on the next album with spoken word by Lars Ulrich. It wouldn’t be the first time Metallica got rid of guitar solos (damn you St. Anger!). Let’s just hope that Lou Reed didn’t have any more of an influence on Lars.
-Replace Lars Ulrich with Mike Portnoy. Now this sounds awesome on paper. But in truth, Portnoy’s moaning isn’t much better than Ulrich’s. Plus, he’ll probably just eventually quit the band and claim that they pushed him out.
-Bring back Bob Rock to produce the next album. If you’re a true Metallica fan, then you’ll cringe just at the thought of this happening.
So those are the six ideas that came into our heads. Think you know another way that Metallica could really irritate fans? Share with us in the comment section below.
